Until we meet again...

All right all you real cool kats out there...until I come back to the states, you can catch up on all my goings on here.

Ciao for now, and remember to stay happy...it only lasts for now...

Peace and Love,

JCM

The Last "Official"

So Monday was my 21st birthday. This, in my mother's family, is known as "the last official birthday." At this point, aunts and uncles are no longer required to send money in cards, or buy gifts; parties are unnecessary; you are fully an adult.

I had a great birthday, really. Despite having to work the day of, and the day after (which made partying rather unwise), I still had fun. I had a beer with pizza with my parents (at a restaurant I had wanted to return to before I left the country). Tuesday I had a nice--far more formal dinner--with several of my mother's colleagues/friends...had a nice martini and some champagne. And I had a nice drink at my father's club last night (on the house, of course, since it was my birthday).

But I did not come to rant about the drinking I've been doing.

This brthday came at the worst possible time. It seems I am having a lot of "last official" things right now...and, while I realize how lucky I am with my upcoming studies, I can't help but feel a little nervous, a little anxious, a little scared, and just a little bit sad.

BUT! I know I will succeed and have fun...and will come back with vigor to live in Philly for my senior year of college (can you believe it has gone that quickly?)!

OH! And check out my newest attempt at blogging:
http://romanexcursion.blogspot.com

This is my on-line version of my travel journal.

Cheers!
JCM

An Interestng Feeling...or...The End of an Era...

So I normally get "Harry Withdrawal" as I call it. That is, at the end of every HP book I have read, there has been a sinking feeling of "there's no more to read" and a dreadful pain that kept me wanting to know what happened after book. Luckily, there was always another book to satiate my appetite. Now, however, there is not.

I bought the book at 1215 on Friday night...no I did not wait in line or anything, I went to the local grocery store (which stayed open an extra hours just for the occasion), picked up a book (one of the first by the looks of it) and went home. I read a couple of chapters and went to bed. I didn't get a chance (a first on the day after HP comes out) to read ANY of the book. So on Sunday I started reading in earnest. I, however, did not get a chance to finish. Ah well, I set myself the goal to make it last as long as I could...it would be the last, after all.

Now today I hit the point of no return, the moment that I hit in every book I read where you cannot stop from turning pages and reading to the end. But, unlike the previous episodes in the HP epic, I was hit my such an odd feeling. At the same time I felt an exhiliration to finish the story, get to the end of the book, keep reading as fast as I could (while still paying close attention), and also to stop in my tracks and read only a few words and wait for the end.

It is the end of an era for me. The first series in a very long time that I have finished. Not since I read the Chronicles of Narnia almost 10 years ago have I read a series quite like this and finished it. I started the Earth's Children series...but since Jean Auel has yet to write the sixth and final chapter of that series, I still have Ayla by my side. But now the HP epic is over. I was pleased with the book...I will not spoil any of it for you...but I was pleased overall with the quality of the writing, the plot, and the way everything was finished up. But I am undeniably sad and there is a void in my life now. Oddly enough, less than a month before my 21st birthday, I feel like I have said goodbye to my childhood. This was the last little bit fo whimsy and fancy that was my guilty pleasure. Now, don't get me wrong, I still believe in things unseen, but it seems a little more foolish now, and little more childish than it did just yesterday.

Wow, now that I'm even more depressed than before...I'm going to leave you to your reading and hope you have fun and enjoyment and many years of belief in the unseen.

JCM

p.s.--as with all HP fans, I proudly hope beyond hope that JKR will write again, and she has said that we can "never say never."

I am an ADVOCATING CREATOR

Things are changing so fast and yet standing so still...

I'm not quite sure what is going on. There are so many parts of my life that I feel totally out of control, and others where--even though I am in control--I wish would speed up a little bit. I don't really know what I'm talking about. I couldn't give you the specifics even if I wanted to, since i'm not quite sure what I'm talking about. I just feel so confused sometimes. It's totally a "where do I go" kind of phenomenon.

But more on this later...

JCM

Feeling "Home" at Home.

...I have been compiling such a list this summer. More than last year, I know I'm going to miss so many things from Philadelphia this summer. Last year, though, was different, I rested assured that I would have the comfort of returning to Philadelphia and all those things on the list when the summer was over. This year, I rest a little less assured. I know for certain that I will not be returning to Philadelphia when the summer is over. Now, pity and don't at the same time. As you know, I will be in Rome next year instead of Philadelphia. This is a phenomenal experience, many of my friends and family are jealous, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. However, I might trade it if what was behind door number two was living in Philadelphia.

Philadelphia is so much farther from home than I ever though I'd be. I'll admit, I am a bit of a momma's boy and do like being home. Well, until I moved to Philadelphia. Now, the only thing at home is the emptiness in my heart reserved for those things that only Philadelphia can give. I know at least one of you who reads this understands--things like the fresher food at Reading Terminal, tattoos and piercings and debauchery on South Street, history and art in Old(e) City.

I am sitting right now in the hospital waiting for my father's surgery to be done (rather routine, nothing to fear) and creating an even bigger list of things to add to the already long list. Ah, me...what to do. I think I have found home.

We read a short story by Hemingway, Soldier's Home, which is about a soldier several years after he has left the service and has returned home to his small-town rural American town and how he feels about it. And he just doesn't feel right, he just doesn't feel home. He's not sure why which makes him act wierd and his acting wierd makes those around him act wierd which turns into a whole Catch-22 issue (remind me, that's a book I want to read). My AP English teacher said to us, "Baby Boos, you may not get this now, but in just a few months you will. You may not feel it when you come home for Thanksgiving, but certainly once you come home for Christmas the first time, you will." And now, I do. I know exactly how he felt. I just don't feel home at home. But I feel home in Philadelphia. And I'm giving it up to go to Rome for a year...poor me, I know, but it is quite a big deal for me. But I'll be back--I hope. Of course, every tells me that once I'm there for a year, I'll end up giving everything up to live in Rome. Maybe I well, maybe I will live in Bella Roma. Of course, only if my friends come to live with me in Rome.

Happiness for y'all, if only for now....
JCM

I Have the Hands of a Laborer...

So, for those of you who do not know, my non-school year job is housekeeping at a hospital. I really didn't need any experience, and the pay is quite good, and the hours are EXTREMELY flexible. I have fun being on the "inside" of things, my id badge works just about everywhere and I have always loved feeling like I'm special because I can get where others cannot without questions.

But there is a downside, my hands--mind you, never all that soft or lovely--have become the hands of a laborer. Where once I had a callous (sp?) from my pencil, and a few paper cuts from reading and proofing...I now have pruned fingers, dry skin (incurably dry), cuts, scrapes, and a bruise where I smashed my hand into the door of the trash chute.

That's not to mention the aches, pains, and general "grossness" I feel all over at the end of the day. But like I said, the pay is great and so is the schedule so for now I muddle through.

But I am incurably tired now, going to bed around 9 where once I went to bed around 1. Ah well, the sacrifices we make for growing up and living in the real-world. And my "Cappuccinos at the Cafe in Roma Fund" is quite low so I better just muddle through.

JCM

The Bungee Cord Effect...

So, no matter how many steps forward I think I've made into my future, away from high school (two full years out now)...every year, on the first Friday in June, I find myself negating every one of those steps with one gigantic slide backwards.

My friends and I call it the Bungee Cord Effect.

My high school is small, under 600 students. I graduated with only 125 other people. It is drilled into our heads that "Our Upstanding Alumni" are extremely important to our survival. So, without fail, a shit-load of us come back every year to sing for graduation (the same music that has been sung at graduation for 42 years). Some of us go to Graduation Mass in the morning (my friends and I are among them).

My friends and I have it all planned, well in advanced: go to Mass, get together for lunch with other friends who don't sing and therefore don't go to Mass, hang out all day, go to Graduation, bullshit for the night. It's our own little reunion. But it started to get awkward last night. Last year, graduation was fun because it was many of our friends (Juniors when we were Seniors), and there was definitely the "I did this last year." "Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt." kind of feeling. But this year was, "Why haven't I moved on." Yet I know that my friends and I will again be in that sweltering choir loft again next year (only slightly more intoxicated given that we will all be legal).

One last thing about graduation, just to get it off of my chest. Two of my favorite teachers (on Calculus, that other my mentor/inspiration) are retiring this year. And what did the school do about this at graduation, given that the one (mentor/inspiration) is an alumna herself, her three children are alumni, her husband is an alumnus, and she has taught there fore over 40 years; and the other has been one of the most beloved teachers for all of the 15 years he has taught there? Shit. No mention of their dedication to our school, not snippet in the program, nothing. It would be understandable, that the administration did not want to draw attention away from the graduates, commendable on their part, really. But, no, we had to hear about and pray for (I went to a Catholic school) two teachers and an alum who are "really, very sick." So, it's obvious some people deserve to be recognized (on the the teachers was a real asshole to everyone, the other was our Dean of Student Discipline, and the alum had heart bypass at aged 5_)...but nothing was mentioned about the teachers who are retiring after making generations (my friend, his mother, and her grandmother, in one case) the "Upstanding Alumni" upon whom we depend so much. So much for priorities.

So, my friends and I made a sign and pissed off the prinicipal (what is she going to do, expel us?)...but I say, ah well....at least we got them in their glory days!

Happiness for y'all....and I'll try to keep you abreast of my life here in the armpit of the world: central CT...where we have no public transportation, no good movies, no theatre to seak of, no culture at all, really...and I such a city boy...fuck.

JCM

To You My Dear Readers...

I say bid a found farewell...for now.

This is my last morning in the dorm. It was nice to have the fast connection, and to have all of this sort of stuff. However, I only have dial-up at home, and waiting for it to load might just kill me. So, unfortunately, I must bid you all a found adieu for now. I hope to get a coupla chances to update you all over the summer. And rest assured that I will let you know how things are going once I get to Rome. But for now, Good Bye.

It's just as sad to say goodbye to you all--none of whom I have ever met--as it is to say goodbye to my real friends.

It is the end of an era. And quite frankly, It's the End of the World as I Know It.

But life goes on, and I do too.

Talk soon, much love, many blessings...

JCM

My To-Do List

So I must vacate the buliding by 7pm on May 9. I am signed up to check out at 230 (but you can stay later, as long as you leave your door propped since you don't keep your key).

Before that time I have to do the following:
(1) Completely clean my side of the bedroom.
(2) Completely clean the kitchen/common room.
(3) Pack my entire life into boxes (again).
(4) Do all my laundry (although this step will probably be skipped).
(5) Take a Latin Final (830 on Wed.).
(6) Write one 7-10 page paper for Death and Dying.
(7) Write one 6-7 page paper for Death and Dying.
(8) Write another 2 pages for Anatomy of Identity.
(9) Turn in said papers.
(10) Say good-bye to my family here--some of them, possibly forever.
(11) Move out.

And what am I doing?

Searching the web, relaxing with friends (part of #10, I figure), and writing in my blog.

Boy, I need more discipline in my routine...

Ever Feel Like Your Being Taken Advantage Of?

So I get an e-mail today that is two sentences long. It reads,

Just a remind about synod convention on Saturday. We need to leave by a bright and early 8AM. See you then!

Now, I do not remember signing up for this. It is not in my job description. I have finals this week and next. I have a housewarming dinner at my friends house at 6.

I REALLY feel like I'm being taken advantage of. I do not have the time for this. He wonders why there is no exuberance, why everyone flees from their jobs, why no one wants to run for officers, its because he expects WAY too much from us. He also assumes far too much.

I hate this. I know I'm going to end up going anyway because that's the kind of person who I am, but I do not want to go, it is probably a VERY bad idea that I go, and in everyway I HATE the fact that I have to go. I have given up. I'm more burnt out now than I ever was back home. I hope he knows I'm not coming back when I get back from Rome....other places are calling to me.

Jay

I Just Wanna Be A Sheep

I just wanna be a sheep.
Ba Ba Ba Ba
I just wanna be a sheep.
Ba Ba Ba Ba
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
I just wanna be a sheep.
Ba Ba Ba Ba

I don't wanna be a goat.
Nope
I don't wanna be a goat
Nope
Do goats go to heaven?
Nope
I just wanna be a sheep.
Ba Ba Ba Ba

I don't wanna be a Pharisee.
I don't wanna be a Pharisee.
Cuz they're no fair, you see.
I just wanna be a sheep.
Ba Ba Ba Ba

I Don't wanna be a Sadducee.
I Don't wanna be a Sadducee.
Cuz they're so sad, you see?
I just wanna be a sheep.
Ba Ba Ba Ba

I just wanna be a sheep
Ba Ba Ba Ba
I just wanna be a sheep
Ba Ba Ba Ba
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
I just wanna be a sheep.
Ba Ba Ba Ba

Thus Spake Yoda...

I Love Good Shepherd Sunday...

"The Lord's my shepherd; I'll not want. He makes me down to lie

In pasture's green; he leadeth me the quiet waters by.

He leadeth me, he leadeth me the quiet waters by.

My soul he doth restore again, and me to walk doth make

Within the paths of righteousness, e'en for his own name's sake;

Within the paths of righteousness, e'en for his own name's sake.

Yea, though I walk in death's dark vale, yet will I fear no ill;

For thou art with me, and thy rod and staff me comfort still;

For thou art with me, and thy rod and staff me comfort still.

My table thou hast richly spread in presence of my foes;

My head thou dost with oil anoint, and my cup overflows.

My head thou dost with oil anoint, and my cup overflows.

Goodness and mercy all my life shall surely follow me,

And in God's house forevermore my dwelling place shall be;

And in God's house forevermore my dwelling place shall be."

I don't know...what do you think? We think the author was Yoda...

Thank Jesus...

It's a phrase I've been using a lot lately.

But the biggest reason is that last night I found out that my long-anticipated Passport (the one that took me up Mt. Everest and back down just to find out where it was, has been mailed and should be on my doorstep (well, my parent's doorstep) sometime early next week!

But in other news, last night was a blast! If I haven't told you I'm a worrier, and I get twice as stressed out as anyone else in most situations that warrant stress. As much as this is probably doing some kind of damage to my heart/blood pressure/etc, I LOVE IT. I relish stress sometimes. Usually not when its over schoolwork, but moreso when it is over fun stuff. One such example is last night. I found out at 3 that my friend wanted me to manage house for his show (he's directing a student production of Damn Yankees). Anyway, He asked me by sending me a text message that read: "If you do me a favor I can guarantee you a seat at every performance." I had told him I planned on coming to every one of his four performances. Little did I realize it was bleacher seating, but that's a another post. Anyway, I said FINE! and off I went to be a house manager. Now it was been so long since I worked house crew, and I have never managed before. Yet I think it went off rather well. There were a few hitches. I ran around like a chicken with its head cut off to make a sign like ten minutes before I hd to be to the hall, but that worked out wel. We PACKED them in (about 90 people where we shoudl only have had about 72, but that's okay as well because he was just excted that ANYBODY wanted to see his show. Over al, it went off without a hitch: the lights were unplugged for about five minutes at the begining of act 2, everyone complained of cramped quarters 9and thereby cramped knees, and I was a little disappointed that I had fucked up royally over the number of people (not entirely my fault, the run crew who were letting people into the hall were not heccking for their hand stamps which meant that about 15 people came in wihtout checking with me first and since I was keeping a tally of how many people we were letting in (my major responsibility as manager), I was still letting people in. All in all, it shoudl be resolved by today. The show was great, ecept for the tight quarters, and I'm so proud of him for all the work he put into this and so pleased that I could be a part of it.

I have to go to class now (life goes on).

Just a question: what the fuck do the lyrics: "Who's got the pain when they do the mambo?" mean? I had no idea and was thoroughly confused at the end of act 1.

Much love and happiness!

JCM

Since We Last Spoke...

...life has been very busy, and VERY stressful.

So, we were working on a benefit dinner for my campus ministry. It finally all paid off (literally) on Friday with our dinner. From plates alone we made about $5,000. That does include additional sponsorship opportunities (sponsor pizza for one of our meetings, sponsor a kid to go to the National Gathering, etc.). It ended up being a huge succes, went off with only a slight hitch (miss counting the number of meals needed, one toe few of the salmon...but it was just our chaplain, and he was schmoozing anyway). However, after spending 11 hours setting up, serving, and cleaning up, with the dinner only lasting about 2-2 1/12 of those hours, it was very stressful...kind of like when I was in the shows, weeks, months even, of rehearsals for a weekend worth of shows--8 hours tops. It's more stressful afterwards when you think back on the weeks you spent getting ready and realizing how little there actually is at the dinner...but this was our year of formation and it helped to get us off the ground.

So, my parents were hear for the weekend--for the dinner. I love my parents...but when we're together it is a little stressful. They came and spent a pretty penny at the dinner. That was good. We quarreled a little, that was bad. We made up and they took me to go grocery shopping, that was good. I didn't hear from them until I called them last night at 11:30 which threw me into a bit of a tizzy (I'm not sure if you realized that I am a worrier...but I am) and made me think about how we quarreled and hoped they were not shunning me. Turns out they were a little busy...but whatever. Everything is good now.

So, I am now trying to write another four papers, take another three quizzes, do two extra credit problems, and pack up one dorm room. All of this while remaining stressed because I am at the end of an era--really The End of the World as I Know It...but that's another blog entry.

So, I woke up this morning (reluctantly as always), went to read my e-mail (thank God I did) praying my Latin prof. was sick like he often is and cancelled our quiz and/or class today. What do I find but an e-mail that says class is indeed cancelled. I think it is a bad omen that Temple University delayed all classes. That is, all classes occurring before 1040 (only one of mine today) are cancelled because of the weather, but everything else is still on schedule, and classes resume at 1040 today. The last time they cancelled classes was a Friday about 3-4 weeks ago. Remember when we had that snow storm that was surprisingly bad...snow and sleet and rain and etc.? Well, they cancelled all classes after 240. It was a gesture more than anything else. I mean, we are a largely commuter campus, they cancelled all classes after 240 on a Friday...what is that, like 5 classes...maybe? Anyway, I still have two classes after the cancelled one (one at 1140, one at 1240). And I have to go in the wind, and the rain, and the gross-ness. Loverly.

So, my plan of action for the day is to go to class, suffer through it for the two hours I will be in class, make my way hastily back to my room, heat up some left over Wisconsin Cheese Soup (Beer Free-unfortunately), have lunch, take a nap, wake up sometime tomorrow. It should relieve some of the stress.

Have fun dancing and singing in the rain....

JCM

P.S. The bonus of this all: Spring Fling is tomorrow!!!!!! unfortunately, i can skip none of my classes this year for it. but if the weather keeps up, i probably wouldn't want to be outside all day anyway...

Oi!

This has been a week both full and busy, both stressful and invigorating. I was totally revivified with Holy Week servies. I was also busy cooking a ten pound ham for my friends and I. Now I have to tell you that I love cooking, and the ham went off without a hitch. However, there were only three of us guaranteed for dinner (with a possibility of 20--you know how college is). However, I still probably have about 4 pounds of ham sitting in my fridge after sending out left-overs and not including the bone and other scraps which I will use for soup later this week (probably a variant of my mom's Wisconsin Cheese Soup). But then I had technical issues with my toilet (for reasons we're still not sure of) and my computer (which still baffles me).

Hope everything was well with y'all and that things will keep coming your way...

JCM

Watch It...

Watch It. It's good, it's entertaining, and it's quite inspired...(and inspiring)...

And it's particularly poignant this time of year...

Look Back

I compose two reflections over the weekend and held one of them for later use (namely today)...but when I restored the draft I realized that it posted to the date it was created...anyway, please note that there is a new post for the 31 of March...forgive the few glitches that there are with formatting but there was a rather long and drawn out issue with this post that led me to just post "as is." Thanks for understanding!

JCM

An Interesting Question...

So...just a head's up...for the next little while I'm probably going to be kinda religious--it's just that time of year...

Anyway, an interesting question was posed me yesterday by a close friend..."how often do you spend with your Bible?" "Not nearly enough," I replied. "Well, isn't that the general answer...but specifically." "Um....I'm not sure...I wish it were daily but it's more like 3-4 times a week." "Yeah."

Then we got started talking about a Bible you can call yours. And I'm not sure I've ever had one. I mean, there are several Bibles I have received in my life that mean a lot to me and they are my Bible(s). And, there is one in particular that I have been marking up (with post-its) lately. But, I have never had a Bible (as two of my friends have) that is marked up, used, or (in one case) taped together with duct tape.

And it got me thinking (still) that I think I need one. I mean, especially since my recent religious renewal. Hmmmm...it's something I should look into. Especially considering I'll be spend a full year abroad next year and will probably not get to Church nearly as oft as I would like.

Many blessings for this holy week (to both my Christian and Jewish friends out there).

JCM

DIfficulty Concentrating...

So usually I try to do a whole somber, contemplative, meditative, reflective, quiet Holy Week-y thing. And I dress modestly, read my Bible more than usual...you know, the whole nine yards...

But, there is just something about the Monday in Holy Week being sunny, in the seventies, that makes it very hard for me to concentrate on my reflection and meditation. It is just hard to remember that it is still Lent and not Easter yet when the weather is so beautiful!

Blessings and concentration (regardless of the weather) for you this Holy Week...

JCM

For By Your Holy Cross You Have Redeemed Our World

This is the Way of the Cross (Stations of the Cross). The pictures are from the web and do not represent the stations themselves, but just pistures of the crucifixion--although I did try to pick ones that were appropriate for each station--some worked, others didn't.

The first set of station titles is the traditional Way of the Cros with all its more traditional stations (non-Scripture based: three falls, Veronica, etc.). The second set is the Way of the Cross as composed by Pope John Paul II to reflect more Scripturally accurate stations.


STATION I
Jesus is Condemned to Death
or
The Agony in the Garden
We Adore You O Christ, and We Bless You,
For By Your Holy Cross You Have Redeemed Our World.

STATION II
Jesus Receives the Cross
or
Jesus is Betrayed and Arrested
We Adore You O Christ, and We Bless You
For By Your Holy Cross You Have Redeemed Our World.
STATION III
Jesus Falls for the First Time
or
Jesus is Condemnd by the Sanhedrin
We Adore You O Christ, and We Bless You
For By Your Holy Cross You Have Redeemed Our World.
STATION IV:
Jesus Meets His Mother
or
Jesus is Denied by Peter
We Adore You O Christ, and We Bless You
For By Your Holy Cross You Have Redeemed Our World.
STATION V:
Simon of Cyrene Carries the Cross of Christ
or
Jesus is Condemned to Death by Pontius Pilate
We Adore You O Christ and We Bless You
For By Your Holy Cross You Have Redeemed Our World.
STATION VI:
Veronic Wipes the Face of Jesus
or
Jesus is Scourged and Crowned with Thorns
We Adore You O Christ and We Bless You
For By Your Holy Cross You Have Redeemed the World.
STATION VII:
Jesus Falls for the Second Time
or
Jesus is Made to Carry His Cross
We Adore You O Christ and We Bless You
For By Your Holy Cross You Have Redeemed Our World.
STATION VIII:
Jesus Meets the Women of Jerusalem
or
Simon of Cyrene Carries the Cross of Christ
We Adore You O Christ and We Bless You
For By Your Holy Cross You Have Redeemed Our World.
STATION IX:
Jesus Falls for the Third Time
or
Jesus Meets the Women of Jerusalem
We Adore You O Christ and We Bless You
For By You Holy Cross You Have Redeemed Our World.
STATION X:
Jesus is Stripped of His Garments
or
Jesus is Crucified on the Cross
We Adores You O Christ and We Bless You
For By Your Holy Cross You Have Redeemed Our World.






STATION XI:
Jesus is Nailed to His Cross
or
Jesus Promises Paradise to the Thief
We Adore You O Christ and We Bless You
For By Your Holy Cross You Have Redeemed Our World.
STATION XII:
Jesus Dies on the Cross
or
Jesus Speaks from the Cross to His Mother and the Disciple Whom He Loved
We Adore You O Christ, and We Bless You
For By Your Holy Cross You Have Redeemed Our World.
STATION XIII:
The Body of Jesus is Removed from the Cross
or
Jesus Dies on the Cross
We Adore You O Christ, and We Bless You
For By Your Holy Cross You Have Redeemed Our World.













STATION XIV:
Jesus Christ is Laid in the Tomb
or
Jesus Christ is Laid in the Tomb
We Adore You O Christ, and We Bless You
For By Your Holy Cross You Have Redeemed Our World.











I send you many blessings and prayers for this Holy Week.

Reflection...

"When I survey the wondrous cross/On which the Prince of Glory died/My richest gain I count but loss/And pour contempt on all my pride."

"Forbid it Lord, that I should boast/Save in the death of Christ, my God/All the vain things that charm me most/I sacrifice them to his blood."

"See, from his head, his hands, his feet/Sorrow and Love flow mingled down/Did e'er such love and sorrow meet/Or thorns compose so rich a crown."

"Were the whole realm of nature mine/That were a present far too small/Love so amazing, for divine/Demands my soul, my life, my all."

Getting a Bad Reputation...

So I was looking for a t-shirt that I have seen on several people in passing but never cared enough until now to actually ask any of them where they got it.

In the process I found this bumper sticker. I like it. Because it is true, there are so many things that get started for the wrong reasons and Jesus, inevitably, is used as the driving force. I want it to stop! I am sick of feeling awkward to tell people that I am Christian, or to talk about my beliefs because I feel like if I talk about it too much people are going to think I'm going to convert them, suck them into some huge militant campaign (or military compaign for that matter), chide or degrade, or persecute them. And quite frankly, I am too busy worrying about my own inequities and sinfulness that I do not have time to chide others. And I'm sick of people thinking they're Christian when they are the most bigoted, small minded, exclusionary, blind people I know. Quite frankly, it does not matter who you love, who you hate, who you voted for, or who you work for, Jesus would rather we all get along than to see there be a "right" side to anything! Love is so much more important. And in the world today it is just a rarity that should be seen more.

People can use Jesus as the reason for many things, but the persecution of people--some of whom are, themselves, devout Christians--for any reason is NOT one of them. And a war certainly is not either!

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."--Mahatma Gandhi

oh, and by the way, the t-shirt was one that said: ___________________(name of fallen soldier) will not be voting. something, something, something, end war, vote, blah, blah, blah...if you know where I can get one PLEASE let me know!

Could It Be?

Could it be that I finally figured out what I want to do? I was researching a man who wrote a review for one of the books I have to read for my Anatomy of I dentity class. He was at the Center for the Study of World Religions at Harvard. In looking it up, I found that this is part of the Harvard Divinity School. Hmmmmm....so I looked it up. Apparently my new goal is to get a ThD (Doctor of Theology) from Harvard. It is interesting, in talking to several people about my new goal they all seem to think that it is just what I had been seeking. That is, apparently unbeknownst to me, I have more than a passion for religion(s) (which I do) but more of a passion for theology: not the what of the religion but more the why.

And I think they're right. I was looking at the comparative chart and I think it is exactly what I've been looking for.

For now, at least...because it will inevitably change within the next year, I'm sure.

JCM

What I've Been Looking For...

This is the perfect way to descibe how I look at religion:

In striving to recognize the primacy of Fire and Light,
I feel kinship with my Zoroastrian brothers and sisters.
In striving to obey the Ten Commandments,
I feel kinship with my Jewish brothers and sisters.
In striving to be kind to neighbor and the needy,
I feel kinship with my Christian brothers and sisters.
In striving to be compassionate to creatures great and small,
I feel kinship with my Buddhist-Jaina brothers and sisters.
In striving to surrender myself completely to God Almighty,
I feel kinship with my Muslim brothers and sisters.
In the recognition that wisdom flows from enlightened masters,
I feel kinship with my Sikh brothers and sisters.
In remembering that serving people should be the goal of religion,
I feel kinship with my Baha'i brothers and sisters.
In my respect and reverence for Nature that sustains us,
I feel kinship with my Native American brothers and sisters.
In feeling that these and more are all paths to the same Divinity,
I feel kinship with my Hindu brothers and sisters.
In my love and laughter, joy and pain,
I feel kinship with all my fellow humans.
In my need for nourishment and instinct to live on,
I feel kinship with all beings on the planet.
In my spiritual ecstasy with this wondrous world,
I feel kinship with the Cosmic Whole.

universal reflection - v. v. raman - cape of good hope - 1999

http://www.worldprayers.org

March 18th...

Okay, so there is a song by the Highland Rovers (a local CT celtic band) called March 18th, and it is all about te after effects from St. Patrick's Day. It's really quite funny. And, for someone who is (unfortunately) still in the "illegal" category for drinking, it never made much sense.

I have a hangover of a different sorts. Mine is one of regret. There are so many seeming lasts this semester. With me going to Rome, and everyone living different places next semester (I love Temple but they only give us two years of housing...which blows), and a bunch of people going abroad next Spring, and all of us coming back to homes which are ours, but not ours, life is going to be completely different. Do not get me wrong, I am not regretting going to Rome, and I certainly am not going to back out, but I can't help but think that this is possibly the last St. Patty's Day we'll have.

Ah well, life goes on...and like the song goes (sung at every SHHS graduation Mass) Persons come into the fabric of our lives and then their shadows fade and disppear.

Happiness for y'all!

JCM

Something Nice...

This brightened my day...hope it does yours as well:

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water, at the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."The old woman smi! led, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That' s because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

Yippee! Tempered with Stress!

I GOT INTO TEMPLE ROME!

I'll be there for the whole year!

That's the good news.

The bad news is that I still cannot find my passport. However, this apparently happens enough that there are directions on what to do in such situations, and hopefully everything will go well. I mean, I know no one stole it, I just cannot find it. And both of my apartments have been torn asunder looking for it.

Happiness like mine (without the stress)...

JCM

Maybe it's not so bad (or it is and I'm just fooling myself)

So I am technicaly on break until Sunday. But I came back to campus to do a lot of work and etc. until then. I returned on Tuesday (and realized on the train that I did not have my key--but then, that's the reason there's RAs). I spent Wednesday doing laundry, some work, relaxing in my solitude which quickly got boring, but was nice nonetheless. Yesterday I went to visit a friend of my who lives in the 'burbs (as much as she insists it is still the city). That too, was peaceful. We went to dinner and a movie (Zodiac...definitely go see it, but it's long). We got up late and just lounged around until I had to get on teht rain to come back.

I'm back now and returned to over 60 new e-mails (I never knew I was so popular). The only one that caught my attention (and freaked me out) was one from my mother who told me that she had no idea where my passport is. Now, she also told me not to freak out. That is my term to her when I tell her things like I'm not feeling well and to which she responds with two e-mails and four phone calls to make sure I'm still alive. It's funny she tells me (and actually argued with me about) to not freak out when it is my passfreakinport that is missing. This does not seem like a big deal, I'm sure, but I do have an application to go to Rome for next year and International Studies sent out an e-mail that said that Passport applications are taking longer than ever and that the deadline is quickly approaching. And what does my mother tell me but to stay calm? Ha! I am NEVER one to stay calm when it is most necessary. I'm REALLY hoping (and aasking for your prayers) that is right where I think it is. But, considering that never happens when I need it to, I also need prayers for sanity in the face of what is sure to be increased stress.

P.S. Still nothing about Rome and whether I will be there or not!

JCM

Powerful Things...

So I realized this weekend whilst I was on my brief but well spent break that there are some very powerful things over which I hold control.
(1) And this one if quite cliche by now: prayer. Prayer is quite powerful. I wrote prayers this weekend instead of giving a temple talk (and I think it worked), I asked to pray before a very controversial vote at the congregational meeting (for no other reason than to give people a chance to breathe and calm-down), I was asked for (and returned) prayers for my cousin who has surgery on her vocal chords to allow her to not only speak again but also to swallow properly after a surgery on her lymphnodes left her without her vocal chords.
(1a) I learned from these experiences the following: It's easy to ask people to pray for you, and its easy to say you will pray for someone, but to ACTUALLY pray for them is quite different--my prayers included a good many things that I'm SURE my congregation has not prayed for specifically in a while if ever (which I gathered from the reaction I got) and I think I got my point across. Also, apparently there are people who do not think that prayer is very necessary before a big vote in a congregational meeting which is for the use of a HUGE sum of money which is for the betterment of the congregation and the Church at large, (also which I gathered from the attitude I got in return for asking to pray before the vote). And, pray does work, my cousin is fine although she still faces more radioactive iodine for the last two lymphnodes which are attached to her heart (or something like that).
(2) Food. Food is quite powerful. It is how I both formed, sustained, and repaired many a friendship. It's my NUMBER ONE social activity.
(3) Solitude. It can certainly break a man. I have only been back for 24 hours but already I am bored and quite miserable. I need people.

I have learned alot about myself this past week. Some of it I like, some of it I don't. Ah well, life goes on I suppose.

May many powerful things come your way!

JCM

Don't Hold Your Breath!

So don't expect news about Rome to be posted here for now. I called over to the office and politely (VERY POLITELY) asked if everything was in order with my application which I turned in on the 7th of February. They came back and told me that it was their fault that my one transcript (the one that gave me so much trouble before) was not put with my application but that it would be put together now and placed under review. This is OVER THREE WEEKS after I firts turned in my application. Hopefully I'll know by some time next week. BUT, if they go on break like we do, God only knows when I'll hear back.

Prayers for my sanity are greatly appreciated!

JCM

p.s. do not think that the manager at International Programs isn't going to hear about this...eventually!

Back by popular demand...my life.

Okay, so I haven't had the chance to be as regular as I would like, but we'll have to make do.

Anyway, here is the low-down on what has happened since last we spoke:

This past Friday I traveled to Newark, Delaware. There were five of us from my campus ministry (boy, I've been doing a lot of religious stuff lately) who were going to our regional Social and Service Overnight. So we got into Newark about 6:55. We called our regional president who (being from Philly himself) had no idea where to pick us up. So we stood in the freezing cold for what seemed like an hour (which was really about 15minutes) and the five of us crammed in his car with him and his girlfriend (that brings the total to seven people in an old Olds decked out for six max). We got to the retreat center...blah, blah, blah, we're playing Sardines in a local church. It is traditional that we all sleep on the floor of a church before spending all day Saturday doing service. I then spent Saturday sorting through books in the church's youth room (and found several VERY interesting Sex Ed books with a religious twist--ps, guys, apparently men are the root of all relational, sexual, and social problems with the world). And then I sang REALLY old songs and played bingo with soe darlingly (?) old people.

Sunday, I took someone to church with me to the Episcopal church at Rittenhouse Square (for those of you who know what/where I'm talking about: it is as nice on the inside as it is on the outside). And then I came home to plan my Oscars party. During my nap (gimme a break, there was a fire drill the night before, and the night before that I was on the floor of a church--I was exhausted), I got a call from a friend's cell phone, picked up and another friend of mine coerced me into making brownies for the other friend's (whose cell it was) Oscar party, oh, and by the way, he said, I was invited. Well, I was slightly ticked, but never one to pass up securing my friendships with bribes, I whipped out my supplies and made a batch of the brownies from the Super Bowl party (from over at the Red Bucket Diaries--thanks Jon-Marc, again), and a batch of Peanut Butter cookies. I know they only asked for brownies, but I had some extra peanut butter, so why not make some?

I then went to class, had a rather regular Monday--still no news about Rome.

Tonight was the Honors Certificate Ceremony. My parents--also from Connecticut-came down and brought lobster and goodies for my friends and I. It was quite nice, although I realized that I get the need to buy friendships from my mother. Again, no news about Rome.

My parents are in town until Friday (when they take me home for break) and they are staying on campus (at the six-suite hotel we have). I don't know why but I think that it is kinda creepy to have one's parents stay on the same campus on which you are attending classes--especially when you will not see them for most of the time they are here.

By-the-by, I think that there is a definitive need for your help. I am thinking about my future. For one thing, I think that I am going to back off on the Classics Major to a Minor and keep the Religion Major. By doing this I ensure I graduate on time. Also, I am going to need to go to grad school no matter what, so what the hell do I care what my BA is in? So, here is where you come in: (1) I need your advice on making this decision. Here are my choices: (1a) Keep things as is and take at least one extra semester for BA and then go on to grad school; (1b) Back of to Classics minor and graduate on time with a BA and then go on to grad school. (2) Also, help me figure out what I want to do with my life: (2a) Museum archivist, other down/dirty/bowels of the institution work; (2b) Professorship whilst being Museum patron; (2c) Other.

Thanks...and let's hope I get a chance to keep this thing more regularly!
Happiness for y'all!
JCM

My Favorite Time of Year

I'm not sure why but we are upon my most favorite time of the year: Lent.

I do apologize, this may get a little religious...but we all need something to believe in. For now I'm still into Christianity.

Anyway, I'm not sure why I like Lent. Maybe I like the self-reflection. Maybe I like the discipline. Maybe I like the hope for a brighter future. Maybe I'm just a masochist.

Anyway, I have not yet decided what I'm going to give up...if anything--or maybe I'll add something new.

Today is Ash Wednesday, the most penitential day in the Church year. I have so much to be repentant for. Unfortunately, I'm not going to divulge any of my juicy secrets here. Let's just say there's a list, and I'm not sure it's anywhere near complete. But I'm learning the acceptance of the flaws, and the embrace of the imperfections. So thankfully the list is a little shorter than last year.

Anyway, I have no idea what this post is about. It is very early in the morning after a terribly long day and I'm trying to postpone going to bed as long as possible and wasting your time whilst I do it.

So, I'll just leave you with this: take some time in the coming days for self-reflection. Give thanks for the things that you have and say a prayer for those who go without. There are a lot of them, and there is no reason for it.

I'll hopefully be posting a little bit more during this time keeping everyone up to date on my life. I do so hope that there is good news to report in the VERY near future. But we shall see.

Sorry for the last coupla posts I know they've been boring. But sometimes that's just the way life it.

Sin Boldly!

One of my favorite Lutheran concepts!

Today is MARDI GRAS, Fat Tuesday, Shrove Tuesday (where'd that one come from ), Factsnacht! And y'all know what that means:

Eat fatty food, drink, party, dance, laugh, and generally live in luxurious sin cuz it all ends tomorrow!

My plans, you ask? I have calsses and will need to go to them since I already skipped one of them this semester, the other one is so preacrious I must go, and the other is Greek and we all know how much I need to go to that!

BUT!

Then I am running out to Reading Terminal Market (farmers market for those of you not from Philly) where I have to pick up some bacon, sausage, and eggs (just better there); some berries and etc. for some kind of fruit sauce; cookies from 4th street bakery (again, just better); and possibly a few canolies. I am then coming back and my friends and I are doing the traditional pancakes and various other breakfast foods for dinner.

So, live it up my peoples...cuz it's only for now!

JCM

Self-Reflection and Resolutions...

...but can I keep them?

So this past weekend was my first experience ever on the verge of a mental breakdown. I realized Saturday that the room we had booked for Ash Wednesday (the downside of being on a campus with no chapel, is that worship takes place in rented rooms in the Student Center...ah well, where two or three...) had not been planned. That is, we were supposed to get together with the reservation co-ordinator and plan what we wanted to room to look like. And, it would not have been too bad since we have learned to be very flexible in what the room looks like. However, we needed like over half of the room empty for the Labyrinth--our walking maditation canvas circle thingie which is like 30x30. Anyway, I e-mailed the co-ordinator and she got back to me which was nice. She then came in this morning 15 minues late (8:45) and told me she could not see me (with an attitude, of course) because she had a meeting at 9. I called her after my first class, and dropped in on her after my second and finally got to meet with her. She ended up being very patient and quite helpful, I just wish I had been able to get into see her earlier (and I fully accept that fault lies on both side). Anyway, long story short (since I'm sincerely trying not to hold grudges anymore) is that everything is worked out

My mental breakdown has been postponed until further notice, and I am back to normal...for now.

Hope everything is goin well for all of you...and many prayers for peace and blessings in the days to come!

Jay

There are just certain days when....

......life sucks.

I know, life could be (for me) and is (for many others) worse than what I'm about to complain about, but you know me, always willing to let loose.

So I found out on Monday that I was missing a transcript with my application to go to Rome. What's interesting is that it is a transcript from a college I never (technically) attended. The application requested "all institutions you attended at the college level." That is only the college I'm at now. BUT, in high school I took part in a co-op with UConn and got college credit (with a UConn transcript). But I never attended UConn, I took a high school class with a high school teacher at my high school. I don't consider that attending UConn. AND what's more, once Temple accepted the transfer credits, shouldn't that transcription just become part of my other one? Ah well, I'll never understand.

ON TOP OF THAT!

I went to my academic advisor (the Honors program) to ask for a copy of the appropriate transcript to find out they never got it from CLA (College of Liberal Arts) general academic advising. So off I went to CLA advising. I asked one of the seven (COUNT THEM 7!) people working behind the desk if I could get a copy of my transcript. She handed me a form (without even saying what it was for or anything). I filled it out. One line said "blah, blah, blah, internal institutional fax to: blah, blah, Study Abroad#_______________ attention _________" I filled in the attention but asked the woman at the desk whether the "#_________" was for the fax number or for the number of transcripts. She said that they needed to fax number. Now, note, it was printed on the paper so they obviously get enough requests for it to do it automatically. Yet, they don't have the number? Also, I told her I did not know the fax number (who carries that around with them?) and she said "You can call them on the campus phone of that wall" (opposite end of the room). Then she just stared at me. I politely replied "I don't have the phone number, either." (I mean I hadn't expected to have to run around campus thrice just to get a fricking transcript for two classes that they accepted credit for). She huffed something and then sighed, 'I can give you their extension, give me a minute.' I replied with a slightly less that pleasant "thank you." She took out some book, huffed and sighed as she flipped every frickin page to get the number, gave me the extension (though she did not write it down or offer me a pen). I had to call and it was the shortest phone call I've ever had:

THEM: "International Studies how may I help you?"
ME: "I need the fax number."
THEM: "Sure, it's ---_---_----"
ME: "Thank you." click

I gave her back the form and she harumphed something and I left.

Now, if that was not bad enough, the form said it would take 1-2 days to complete the request. NOTE: I didn't want them to make the paper, copy it by hand, illuminate it, and frame it. I only wanted them to pull my file, pull out the piece of paper, put it into the fax machine, and send it over. There were seven people behind the desk, no one in line, and if their chairs had wheels, they wouldn't have even had to stand up. BUT! Somehow, it's still not there.

Fuck it all. I'm sitting on tenterhooks waiting on this (understandably less than in reality, but for right now) life-and-death decision and they can't even fax--not even personally deliver with flowers and a song--a piece of paper which is all that stands between me and the decision.

I hate bureaucracy!
JCM

I Love Y'All

I have the best friends ever. It is surprising that what at once can be a terrible situation, ends up being one of the best. Bonding occurred, reconciliations were everywhere, and love was definitely spread around.

So, you people reading this and recognize yourself, I love y'all very much...I really couldn't ask for better friends...even if I tried.

We just need to continue to remember the good times and forget about the bad, roll with the punches, and accept a hug what it's necessary.

Love you all...and for the rest of you...I hope you have friedsn as good as mine, they're hard to come by so hold on tight to them whilst you have them.

JCM

Buying my Friendships

So, I made these brownies. Thank you to jon-marc over at the Red Bucket Diaries for the recipe.

Anyway, I made them for the SuperBowl party on Sunday. Everyone loved them. Indeed, people called me Satan. I took it as a compliment.

Again, I have something to go to; a potluck hosted by The Simple Way. I made them again. However, I knew that the only way to still have my brownies for the potluck tomorrow, I would have to make more for others. So, I made one recipe of those, and another batch that was the brownie base of those but with peanut butter chips (no peanut butter topping or ganauche finish). So I cut up the "old ones" and the "new ones." Everyone thought I was completely evil. And I love it. Because I am an attention whore, and an affection junky.

And damn proud of it.

Try 'em, they're delicious....

JCM

p.s. as of the posting of this i still have all dozen-and-a-half of the originals for tomorrow.

First Stage of Victory...but don't celebrate yet!

So I finally turned in my application for study in Rome next semester...

Stay tuned for updates...

JCM

p.s. please say a prayer, light a candle, smoke something, anything spiritual with the intention of my acceptance!

Binging and Purging, or How I Spent Superbowl Sunday

So the Superbowl came and went, and as always the best part was the commercials. But Superbowl Sunday was a busy day for me, and let me tell you why:

(1) I came home Saturday after a movie with friends (The Departed at the campus cinema) and found that my comuters (both desktop and laptop) had been infected with a brand new virus for which Temple is the first target site. Yippee!
(2) I went out in the blustery cold to meet people to lead them to church (part of being a peer minister) and stood in the icy air for fifteen minutes just to wait for no one. So, being the devout Christian I am, bought a Philly Inquirer and went back to warm up with a cup of coffee and a paper.
(3) I then started the enormous job of ... and here comes the purging ... System recovery on my laptop. It was the quickest thing I could think of to fix the problem since the Help Desk was closed on Sunday.
(4) I went to the Temple game with a dear friend, at which it was dollar dog day, and had a bit of food.
(5) I come back with said friend and watched Rome, Season One, Episode 1and2 from the boxed set (because I am a classics dork who has it).
(6) I went to the most kicck-ass superbowl party of my life. There were about a dozen of us four couches facing four television sets. And, while I did not fully appreciate the volleyball, I did enjoy the commercials (my favorite by far being "Combos, they're what your mom would feed you...if your mom were a man.").
(7) I then came back to my room to fall asleep to awake to worse temperatures and Latin class and Greek Historians and Greek. I am really starting to hate being a Classics major.

Anyway, hope you had the greatest day and are staying warm wheree'er you are...

JCM

Groceries are Just More Fun This Way!

So, in general I like to go shopping for groceries. It's a great way to spend a dreary afternoon...or a hot summer one as well.

Anyway, I like shopping for groceries...until I moved in this year. I was lucky enough to get a dorm that is an apartment (range, full fridge, living room and all) which is very nice. Except that it tends to make me want to cook food for myself. Which tends to make me need to go shopping. Which is a bitch.

Yes, I finally found something that makes grocery shopping a bitch: the subway. That's right, public transportation. Somehow, you never realize how much you buy in one trip normally until you have to shop with a subway ride and several blocks between the store and your apartment.

But I've found the solution. For one thing: if you go shopping to the SuperFresh on South you can also go to WholeFoods which is quite a luxury. As well, if you go with like eight people and just put it all in one cart and worry about it later you don't have to carry quite as much yourself , and you get a GREAT social event as well.

Just wanted to let you in on how I spent my afternoon (after the room was clean/rearranged/etc.)!

Have fun...and hope you have someone fun to do your chores and errands with!

JCM

Life is...Inspirational? or Putting Things Off

So I have now officially implanted myself on our futon, from this vantage point I can watch television, talk to whatever random person is standing in my kitchen...probably cooking...or eating...work on my computer, grab a book, search my rather large film collection, and take a nap.

Is it laziness? Not at all.

Let me explain one thing about myself.

I. Hate. to. Clean. That's all. It is just about the worst thing I ever have to do. I am not dirty person. I'm just a little cluttered. "Messy not dirty," as Lou explains in Angels in America. It's an important distinction. (I'd quote that but I'm not sure if he actually says that or if it is a false monitoring thing--thanks Mom for making me so unsure of myself...another blog, another time people).

Anyway, right now my room is rather...um...cluttered-est. Is there a superlative for that? There should be. It is beyond cluttered to sheer terror everytime I walk in. Clothes piled up (clean...but they only give you so much room in these damnedable dressers); papers from every class, no class, work, fun; souvenirs from New Orleans for New Year's since there is still a suitcase and a half that I have yet to unpack from break...I know, I know, it was almost a month ago.

But. In my defense. Well, explanation, not excuse: life is VERY crazy this semester. For one thing, last semester I had no class earlier than 1240. This semester my classes are at 940 and 1010. This is less time in the morning to stay organized...I'm in a rush. Also, I have class on Friday, and occurence I was fortunate to avoid last semester.

Anyway, I moved out here so that I don't have to work on my desktop which is piled up wth papers.

Thank God my parents got me a laptop so that I could let me room go, huh?

Anyway, I've decided that today is chores day. I am going to clean...mostly pick up though. Our apartment is relatively clean, just cluttered. And I have to go groceries shopping with a coupla friends. Super Bowl is tomorrow (not that I particularly care about the volleyball...or any sport). I'm invited to a party. I thought twice about going after our little...um...tift. But, tthen everything seemed to have been worked out (I say in the passive since I was not actively involved with fixing the problem), and so I have to pick up a bunch of stuff to make something (any suggestions?). That is, on top of the necessities since I haven't had milk or bread in my apartment in like two weeks.

College sucks sometimes.

But I wouldn't trade it for anything!

Happiness, and go...um...Bears? Are they playing? ... Okay, I joke, I know the teams, at least, which are playing. And, honestly, as much as I don't care, my friends and I realized the following: Bears v. Colts. Colts, horses, versus Bears...I mean, they're bears. Need I say more?

JCM

Thanks, these extra fifteen minutes of peace before I have to start were great!

I laughed...how 'bout you?

So I was following a link from Cats and this is what I found:

"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh."
Robert A. Heinlein

from random quotes.

Anyway, I found it not only amusing, but relatively accurate.

I hope you have both something to believe in...be it love, peace, God...and something to laugh at...be it religion, your dog, or your best friend.

May many good things come your way!

JCM

But I Still Have Hope...

I'm not sure how, why, or for how long...considering my last post...but I still have hop ethat thigs will get better. I'm sure that they will. I know, I know, college is a time fo indecision...these are natural feelings. However, I have never been quite so cynical, so downtrodden, so miserable before.

Ah well, you have to experience the worst times to accept and give thanks for the blessings...

Holding out hope for happiness...you do the same...

JCM

Satisfaction!

Living for Today:

This evening I was quite disappointed when it appeared that my evening would end with me watching a movie by my own, eating something fattening, and going to bed unsatisfied with my life. However, we had quite a night. I mean, we watched a few interesting things, talked, reminisced, caught up with a few friends I haven't talked to for a while, lounged around, etc...

I think this was the first time in along time wherein I will not go to bed regretting anything, go to bed resentful, go to bed wishing for something else, go to bed worried about tomorrow. It is a good feeling, and I forgot how good it could be.

Also, for anyone who cares to know:

GO SEE PAN'S LABYRINTH!
GO SEE NOTES ON A SCANDAL!
RENT LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE!

It's worth it. But don't watch any of them alone. Bring alone your friends, your family, your significant other(s)--but don't bring them all at the same time cuz that would just get confusing and stressful. And be sure you have some(thing)(one) to cuddle with after them, or at least a great person to talk to.

Wishing much love and happiness in the days to come...
JCM

I Just Have a Way...

I am completely unable to live a full life, to live for the moment, to really be happy.

I read The Death of Ivan Ilyich by Tolstoy for my Death and Dying class. If you haven't read it, you probably should because it certainly puts things in perspective. I have Ivan's problem...sort of. I mean, I certainly find myself living parts of my life for others, living outwardly while dying inwardly. However, I also have a problem of living an unfulfilled life. I mean, I have a great evening with friends...Chinese, The Office, Scrubs, plenty of laughs, a few "moments." What do I leave thinking? "Next year is going to be horrible when I am no longer living with these people." And I find myself thinking that more and more. Everytime anything good happens, I find myself thinking about how horrible next year is going to be when i am alone in Rome (poor baby I know). But that is what I think about: how much I am going to miss this when it's gone. Why do I do this to myself. I really need to stop.

Somebody help me!

Happiness for y'all.

JCM

p.s. check me out at my newest blog site with my best friends

Fine Outlook for Tomorrow

I was reading my e-mail version of the New York Times this morning, and I ran across the quote of the day. Usually they're funny, or slightly thought-provoking, this one was just provoking...

"- QUOTATION OF THE DAY -
"It won't stop us." - VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY, on CNN, discussing the Senate Foreign Relations Committee's approval of a resolution opposing President Bush's plan to send more troops to Iraq. "

It's so nice to see that in our democratic republic, everything runs smoothly and our representatives are really representing us, no? This is turning into an impirical dictatorship more and more everday.

Hope you find a way out in time!

JCM

The Moron-in-Chief

Okay, so like most of informed America, I spent last night--with a few of my friends--watching the State of the Union address as performed (and I use that literally) by our esteemed (and I use that humourously) Moron-in-Chief (hereon out MiC). This was the first time in my life that watched the entire State of the Union. As well, it was the first time I watched an enitre speech as presented by MiC. I came to a few conclusions, and I don't mind sharing them with you here:

(1) Next year, when I'm legal, I definitely need to create a drinking game for the SoU since I will NEVER be able to get through another one sober without weeping for the stupidity our country has fallen to.

(2) MiC is getting desperate. I'm sorry to say that our esteemed leader who was (chortle) doing such a wonderful job running our country, is not floundering, and kowtowing to those who got smart--whether after the fact or beforehand.

(3) There is hope for the future. If (and I laugh evn as I write this) MiC had any sincere "thought"(does he have any of those ever?) in his speech; if he "meant what he said and said what he meant;" if he cares at all about those things he called to mind in his speech, things may finally be on the upswing. Now, if that is not true, I have hope that we cannot sink much further.

Now, let me recap and comment on a few of my "favorite" parts of the speech.

(1)"We're not the first to come here with a government divided and uncertainty in the air. Like many before us, we can work through our differences, and achieve big things for the American people. Does he mean himself? Cuz I'm not sure that is possible. Our citizens don't much care which side of the aisle we sit on I do. -- as long as we're willing to cross that aisle when there is work to be done. "And as long as you Democrats come to our side, I'll work with you." (Applause.) Our job is to make life better for our fellow Americans, so he sends more of our fellow Americans to die in a war that we are losing? and to help them to build a future of hope and opportunity for more war-- and this is the business before us tonight."

(2)"And, finally, to keep this economy strong we must take on the challenge of entitlements. Social Security and Medicare and Medicaid are commitments of conscience, and so it is our duty to keep them permanently sound. Yet, we're failing in that duty. And this failure will one day leave our children with three bad options: huge tax increases, huge deficits, or huge and immediate cuts in benefits. Everyone in this chamber knows this to be true -- yet somehow we have not found it in ourselves to act. So let us work together and do it now. With enough good sense and goodwill, you and I can fix Medicare and Medicaid -- and save Social Security. Is he still stuck on this? I though America was overwhelmingly against this. Of course, when did things like that ever matter to the MiC(Applause.)"

(3)"Now the task is to build on the success, without watering down standards, without taking control from local communities, and without backsliding and calling it reform. We can lift student achievement even higher by giving local leaders flexibility to turn around failing schoolsFINALLY he got the message, and by giving families with children stuck in failing schools the right to choose someplace better but make them pay for it? (Applause.) We must increase funds for students who struggle -- and make sure these children get the special help they need. (Applause.) And we can make sure our children are prepared for the jobs of the future and our country is more competitive by strengthening math and science skills. The No Child Left Behind Act has worked for America's children -- and I ask Congress to reauthorize this "good law." (Applause.)"I was rolling on the floor laughing about that adjective.

(4)"In order to make progress toward this goal, the Iraqi government must stop the sectarian violence in its capital. But the Iraqis are not yet ready to do this on their own. So we're deploying reinforcements of more than 20,000 additional soldiers and Marines to Iraq. So is he using the impirical "we..." kind of like the royal we, but when used by a dictator/emperor. The vast majority will go to Baghdad, where they will help Iraqi forces to clear and secure neighborhoods, and serve as advisers embedded in Iraqi Army units. With Iraqis in the lead, our forces will help secure the city by chasing down the terrorists, insurgents, and the roaming death squads. And in Anbar Province, where al Qaeda terrorists have gathered and local forces have begun showing a willingness to fight them, we're sending an additional 4,000 United States Marines, with orders to find the terrorists and clear them out. (Applause.) We didn't drive al Qaeda out of their safe haven in Afghanistan only to let them set up a new safe haven in a free Iraq. Because AlQuaeda is completely out of Afghanistan, and Afghanistan is a complete victory."

(5)"American foreign policy is more than a matter of war and diplomacy. Our work in the world is also based on a timeless truth: To whom much is given, much is required. We hear the call to take on the challenges of hunger and poverty and disease -- and that is precisely what America is doing. We must continue to fight HIV/AIDS, especially on the continent of Africa. (Applause.) Because you funded our Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief, the number of people receiving life-saving drugs has grown from 50,000 to more than 800,000 in three short years. I ask you to continue funding our efforts to fight HIV/AIDS. I ask you to provide $1.2 billion over five years so we can combat malaria in 15 African countries. Did anyone actually do the math on this one? I did. He is proposing to give 13.3mil/mo./country. This seems like alot, I'll give you that, but weight that number by ~5.3bil/mo. for the Iraq War, and the ~0 given to rebuild after Katrina/Rita/etc. (Applause.)"

And...of course, over all, I found something to say about everything else he said, but I just couldn't do that to you. I picked a few of the more abhorrent points and expounded for myself. I could go on, and if you want to discourse on any one point let me know. But, here they stand, for all to see, that's what I think. Thank the Lord for free speech.

Happiness, freedom, and a world without other MiC's for all y'all.

JCM

Musings on a Terribly Depressing Musical Comedy...

So last night I saw Pippin with a friend of mine. I had just recently discovered the music for it, and was intrigued, and then I found out that a national tour which started VERY near my hometown and it came here to Philly, he invited me and I jumped at the opportunity...I always jump at the opportunity to see theatre at student-rush prices. Anyway, it was PHENOMENAL. I say that because that is the strongest word I can think of to describe it. Of course, I had never seen it before so I have nothing to compare it to, but it was big and flashy when appropriate. I left thoroughly satsfied.

But then my friend and I got talking about what was really going on in the story.

And I got terribly depressed. I mean, if you've never seen it...you should...and I won't spoil it by talking about an analysis of it...which is that we all have dreams, and that they are good things, but that we will never really fulfil our dreams. But they'll always be there. They'll stick with us, in our mind, until we are tempted to kill ourselves or suffer some long, painful, horrible death.

Now that you REALLY wanna go see it, let me tell you...it is VERY powerful and very much worth it. And, at first I got that message, but ever-the-optimist, I took the message to be that we should strive to be exception and live our dreams. Not quite so, explained my friend (whom I consider the expert on anything musical theatre). But, read what you will when you see it.

Whatever...just see it.

But not the high school version (says my friend) since that one gives you a happy-sappy-ending. See the cynical version from Fosse, himself.

Anyway, my favorite song (cliche as it is), is the show-stopping, audience participation, sing-along, No Time At All. I'm going to leave the lyrics here so that you can read them. Take them to heart. I think there is very good philosophy herein.

[BERTHE]
When you are as old as I, my dear
And I hope that you never are
You will woefully wonder why, my dear
Through your cataracts and catarrh
You could squander away or sequester
A drop of a precious year
For when your best days are yester
The rest'er twice as dear....

What good is a field on a fine summer night
When you sit all alone with the weeds?
Or a succulent pear if with each juicy bite
You spit out your teeth with the seeds?
Before it's too late stop trying to wait
For fortune and fame you're secure of
For there's one thing to be sure of, mate:
There's nothing to be sure of!

Oh, it's time to start livin'
Time to take a little from this world we're given
Time to take time, cause spring will turn to fall
In just no time at all....

I've never wondered if I was afraid
When there was a challenge to take
I never thought about how much I weighed
When there was still one piece of cake
Maybe it's meant the hours I've spent
Feeling broken and bent and unwell
But there's still no cure more heaven-sent
As the chance to raise some hell
Everybody....

[ALL]Oh, it's time to start livin'
Time to take a little from this world we're given
Time to take time, cause spring will turn to fall
In just no time at all....

Now when the drearies do attack
And a siege of the sads begins
I just throw these noble shoulders back
And lift these noble chins
Give me a man who is handsome and strong
Someone who's stalwart and steady
Give me a night that's romantic and long
And give me a month to get ready
Now I could waylay some aging roue
And persuade him to play in some cranny
But it's hard to believe I'm being led astray
By a man who calls me granny

[ALL]Oh, it's time to start livin'
Time to take a little from this world we're given
Time to take time, cause spring will turn to fall
In just no time at all....
Oh, it's time to start livin'
Time to take a little from this world we're given
Time to take time, cause spring will turn to fall
In just no time at all....

Sages tweet that age is sweet
Good deeds and good work earns you laurels
But what could make you feel more obsolete
Than being noted for your morals?
Here is a secret I never have told
Maybe you'll understand why
I believe if I refuse to grow old
I can stay young till I die
Now, I've known the fears of sixty-six years
I've had troubles and tears by the score
But the only thing I'd trade them forI
s sixty-seven more....

Oh, it's time to keep livin'
Time to keep takin' from this world we're given
You are my time, so I'll throw off my shawl
And watching your flings be flung all over
Makes me feel young all over
[BETHE AND BOYS]In just no time at all....