I am completely unable to live a full life, to live for the moment, to really be happy.
I read The Death of Ivan Ilyich by Tolstoy for my Death and Dying class. If you haven't read it, you probably should because it certainly puts things in perspective. I have Ivan's problem...sort of. I mean, I certainly find myself living parts of my life for others, living outwardly while dying inwardly. However, I also have a problem of living an unfulfilled life. I mean, I have a great evening with friends...Chinese, The Office, Scrubs, plenty of laughs, a few "moments." What do I leave thinking? "Next year is going to be horrible when I am no longer living with these people." And I find myself thinking that more and more. Everytime anything good happens, I find myself thinking about how horrible next year is going to be when i am alone in Rome (poor baby I know). But that is what I think about: how much I am going to miss this when it's gone. Why do I do this to myself. I really need to stop.
Somebody help me!
Happiness for y'all.
JCM
p.s. check me out at my newest blog site with my best friends
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1 comment:
No matter how good things are at the time I find myself thinking how bad they are bound to be. I have the same problem of not being able to just enjoy the here and now.
Any way, enjoy your blog and the post about the SoTU
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